


The Persistence of Memory

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 05:11:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Years after Bilbo came back from his adventure with the dwarves and he has rejected every single lass and lad that came his way.Drogo wants to know why.





	

Bilbo Baggins came back from his adventure with the dwarves a quite changed hobbit, quieter and sadder for reasons he always refused to explain, but of the many mysteries he took back with him there was one in particular that puzzled Drogo to no end.

It had to do with love.

_He's not sending this one away_ , thought Drogo. And as soon as the sentence was done in his head a pretty young hobbit came running out of Bag End with her hands covering her face, and as soon as she reached the fence surrounding it she stopped moving. She was clearly trying to regain her composure as she took deep breaths again and again. After a little while, when she seemed more calm, she walked away into the night.

As soon as she was out of Drogo's sight he started knocking on Bag End's round door and it didn't take long for Bilbo to answer. He invited his friend into his home and into an armchair close by the fire before serving some tea.

"I saw Sarah leaving," said Drogo "she seemed pretty shook up, huh?"

By the way Bilbo looked at him he guessed that his host had been expecting the visit to be about this specific topic, but he seemed nervous about it nevertheless.

"Ah, yes, I knew she was taken with me but I didn't expect it to be so much. I wish there was a way to reject someone's, uh, affections, that didn't end with them being hurt, but there isn't, is there?"

"Bilbo," said Drogo as he leaned foward towards his friend "I know I've said it a thousand times by now, but I'm worried about you. I mean, you used to actually date, and I can't think of a single reason why you would reject everyone that comes your way. Plus, I thought Sarah was so perfect to you. Why don't you give the girl a chance?"

Drogo expected Bilbo to simply brush off his question, as he did everytime someone questioned him about his behavior since he came back from his adventure. But this time, he didn't. Instead he became strangely quiet, and it was so clear that his thoughts were somewhere distant, somewhere that brought him pain, that Drogo's chest suddendly felt tight.

"Alright," said Bilbo "I think it's about time you get to know some of it. That's what you want, right? To hear about my adventure? But before, promise me you'll stop setting me up with girls you think I'll like. I'm an adult, if I want a relationship I'm perfectly capable of looking for one myself."

Drogo simply nodded.

Bilbo started speaking, barely above a whisper.

"You know, I'm not actually against the idea of settling down with a nice lass and raising some cute little hobbits as Lobelia seems to think I am. It always seemed like a good thing to do, a good way to be happy. Actually, a little before I left with those dwarves I was considering starting to look for a wife, but, well, I gave up on that now.

While I was out there, getting to know the world, I became close to someone, or at least I like to think I did. We traveled together from the beginning to the end and now I think that me being attracted to him played a bit of a role on me leaving the Shire, though I didn't realise it at the time. That morning, when I stopped to consider whether to leave or to stay for only a couple seconds, one of the few things that went throught my mind is that I wanted to see him and hear him singing again. He had quite the handsome voice.

Anyway, he hated me at first. He thought I was a dead weight slowing everyone down, and though I can understand where he was coming from he was still dreadfully rude about it all. But even in between his cold stares and his criticisms I was still quite taken with him. He was a dwarven warrior, a proud and powerful one. I think that, at first, I wanted to understand him more than anything else because he was just someone so otherworldly, a being that lived a life that I had only ever read about on books. He carried the weight of a world on his shoulders, and I wanted to know how he didn't fall to his knees.

Funny thing is, I had to almost die for him to start being polite to me. Really, it seemed as if the only way to get on his good side was to get through a set number of highly traumatising events. But I did it, and for the first time he didn't look at me as if I was an eyesore. Heh, we had a bit of a moment too but it wasn't in private, actually...everyone travelling with us had their eyes on me and him when it happened, so it didn't lead to much of anything. Maybe something would've happened if we were alone...

Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point."

Drogo shook his head and drank the last of his tea.

"No, Bilbo, it's fine. Hell, it's good you're talking about it. And I want to hear it, I really do."

Bilbo stayed silent for a second, considering whether he should go on with his story or not, whether he was ready for it, whether he would break down crying or not. When he realised Drogo was out of tea he poured some more for his friend and sat back on his armchair. Drogo wasn't going to push him to talk, he realised, and it just made him think that his friend deserved some sort of explanation, or as much as one he could give when all the wounds Thorin left still burned like hell.

_The pain comes now_ , Bilbo thought, and then he took a deep breath.

"The place we were going to meant everything to him, and he was set on reclaiming it, but no one believed much in him, even the other dwarves we were travelling with. They followed him and were ready to die for the cause, sure, but I think they all didn't consider the possibility of the quest succeeding very much. But to Thorin-"

  
Bilbo stopped abruptly then. Thorin. God, he didn't say that name in what felt like an eternity, even if he thought about it every single day.

"To Thorin, failing wasn't an option. The thought of it destroyed him. And I admit that I didn't believe much in our quest either, but I wanted to see him succeed more than I wanted anything else in my whole life. I didn't even need to be a part of it, it was fine if no one remembered me or if I didn't take anything out of his success, because all I needed was to see him happy and sane, in his rightful home, in his rightful position.

But it didn't and I-"

The hobbit's voice broke, and Drogo saw in his eyes that Bilbo's mind was no longer in Bag End, warm and safe. Instead he was in his nightmare, very much like a child who was terrified of the dark but was unable to avert their eyes from shadows.

Drogo called out his friend's name and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently, and he saw that Bilbo's eyes were filled with tears that slowly fell down his cheeks. When Bilbo himself realised that he had been crying he got up from the armchair and covered his face with his hands.

"Drogo, why don't you leave me be? Just give me some time."

Neither of them did much for a little while. Bilbo stayed put, taking deep breaths until he stopped his tears, until his mind was back in Bag End. And Drogo just didn't know what to do.

"You should leave. I can't do this tonight, and I don't want to try anymore, I really don't. So just...just leave, will you?"

Though he hesitated for a moment, Drogo wrapped his arms around Bilbo and hugged him tightly for a long time.

"It's alright," said Drogo "I'll always be here for you, always, so you can take your time talking about whatever it is that happened. And when you feel like you can talk to me, I'll listen."

After his friend left that night, Bilbo sat by the fire and imagined that Thorin was there, singing about the mountain and the dwarves' gold, until the hobbit fell asleep.


End file.
